The Highly Sensitive Creative

I write this post because the discovery of this trait not only reframed my entire life but directly influences my creative process and the deeply thoughtful and detail-oriented way that I work. It is also my hope that my experience may help others in their own journey. Sensitive types can often be perceived as negative in our society and I want to change that narrative; to give it a different lens. Chaise Noir is a concept for a blank slate, from being lost to found, and new beginnings. Turns out that it’s not just for furniture…

In January 2020, my mom told me about a term called “Highly Sensitive Person” in a personality type book she was reading. We casually laughed about it but something resonated and made me want to dig further. What I learned has changed my life in a myriad of ways over the past 2 years, which in turn has helped me to better understand myself and my creative process, give myself structure, and honor my needs as an artist with a strong desire to create but has continually been interrupted by overwhelm and paralysis.

The term “Highly Sensitive Person” automatically denotes an idea within our society of what that means because of a negative connotation to sensitivity. You may think that a HSP needs to be coddled and protected and can’t handle the world, when in reality, if we are attentive to our needs, the exact opposite is true. There is strength in sensitivity, adaptability, and we can often excel faster at what we set out to achieve because of the deep processing our minds have of the world around us. It is better described as a Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) where our nervous systems, our bodies and our minds take in more of the world around us. If we aren’t attuned to ourselves, which I was not for most of my life, then this manifests as overstimulation, breakdowns, depression, anxiety, etc. The key here is understanding ourselves and knowing when we need to stop, take a break, have downtime, and recover. I learned to cope with my depression and overwhelm using drugs, which led to a couple heroin overdoses, a stint in rehab, and getting my life back in the Travis County Drug Court system to clear felony charges. It took 9 more years of self-discovery and developing a deep yoga and meditation practice to begin to process all of this but I still felt like I didn’t really fit in to the boxes I was trying to be a part of. The biggest change came when I dove down the rabbit hole, starting with Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person. She is the researcher who discovered the trait in the 90’s. It is said that about 20% of our population has this trait. It is often confused or misdiagnosed with ADHD, being on the Autism Spectrum, and many other mental health disorders, many of which resonated with me over the years but didn’t quite fit even though I grappled with similar challenges of each. From this place, I found a therapist who specifically works with HSP’s and a chiropractor/bodyworker who helps with the physical aspect and manifestations of emotions that need to process through. In addition to being HSP, I’m also an empath and have a High Sensation Seeking trait, which seems contradictory to being sensitive and makes maintaining a balance between the need for stimulation and over-stimulation tricky. One of the ways I’m very cat-like.

This part is just my journey. The sensory processing sensitivity makes it more imperative that I tend to my needs in order to live a life that is not in a constant state of overwhelm and anxiety but everything else about this story is simply what it is to be human. I’m passionate about my work, about sustainability, about considering our earth and nature within human activities and I want to continue to do the work. This is important because the upholstery and furniture trade can be tough and unforgiving without having proper help in running a business. I’ve seen shops shutter and close down because of overwhelm and not having systems in place to make the business itself sustainable. I’ve watched other upholsterers give up or have a crappy work ethic because they aren’t taking care of themselves. In that sense, I’m lucky that I have to force myself to do the daily things that allow me to thrive because my only other option is death. I choose life and I choose beauty and I choose to share the talents and skills that I have dedicated myself to learning with others. Living a life with purpose is simply a human desire, as well as wanting to be witnessed in our experience.

With intention, in December of 2020, I dug in and committed myself to a journey of self-acceptance and discovery of my true self, while understanding my ego-self, defenses that protected me but kept me small, and bearing compassionate witness to all the parts. Making myself small and flexible to constantly accommodating others wants and feelings. I was tired of hiding and feeling confused and like I didn’t have a place in this world. I learned that I had to make one for myself and that I was the only person who could do that, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. It has taken me over a year to develop self-compassion and an unwavering level of self-worth, to reparent my inner child, and truly love myself. All of this internal work so that I can show up in the world, in a community, and share my gifts with the world. I bring beauty, thoughtfulness, intention, innovation, and joy to a world that has felt like it’s going up in flames. I am the orchestra on the Titanic. That is now how I understand my place in this world.

Through this time, I have been re-branding Chaise Noir as well because I love the work that I do but was incredibly overwhelmed with the business side of things and did not feel good about the way it was being presented in the world. It wasn’t attracting people that resonated with me, they mostly just needed work to be done and that is not fulfilling for me. Half-assing things or doing a bang-it-out job is not at all my style, it physically hurts when put in a position where that is what' is being asked of me. I want my clients to be as invested in their transformations as I am. I had a beautiful vision in my head that I could not make a reality until I built a solid foundation and platform and branding that was both beautiful and functional. The exact definition of Design. This is my baby, I’ve thought this out for years and years, put my heart and soul into it. It’s as niche of a business as I am a person. What separates me from being an “upholstery shop” is the level of care and detail that I put into every piece and that’s not something that everyone cares about, but I can’t take on the world of furniture that needs to be re-done so I focus on the people and the pieces that resonate with this level of consideration. If you’re still reading this then maybe something in here resonated with you, maybe you like hearing people’s stories as well. I have a lot to say and much of it comes out in my writing. I was told numerous times that “no one’s going to read that much” and I know it’s true but I also know there are people out there who care and think like me, we are just harder to find and not as loud. I love reading people’s stories, especially creatives and other artists or designers, knowing their struggles, where they came from, what stories and events shaped them to be doing what they do. It’s so fascinating to me and I know I’m not alone in that.

In the days of facebook and instagram, having a website feels like a rebellious act. This blog will give me a proper place to put all my thoughts and information, as well as supporting my new-found agency as an established creative and human being. I extremely resistant to play the games of facebook, fusing with algorithms or having them change things just enough to force people to have to adapt to new ways of making content just so they can hold on to their audience who is also overwhelmed and not seeing a fraction of the thousands of people they follow. Knowing that my energy can be easily depleted makes me want to consciously direct it towards the creative furniture work, not social media. I’m slower at taking on ‘new to me’ things because of the methodical and evaluative way I approach situations and tasks. So I do my own shifting and streamlining my energy into things that are important to me. My biggest creative projects of the past year were my brand, website, and myself. Very little upholstery and benchwork happened, which left me beating myself up and grappling with imposter syndrome. This year, with my foundation set, I hope to bring many new pieces to life and continue on this upholstery journey, sharing it with the world.